Xander The Blue
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "Xander The Blue" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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07:35 pm
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Patton Oswalt's Christmas Shoes
I love Patton, and this is hilarious. A must watch, especially if you might hear Christmas Shoes on the radio this year.
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12:56 am
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What the hell is going on in this screencap?!?
unf unf unf
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01:50 am
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The Lifeline
Ok seriously, why haven't these guys made it big? Catchy riffs, great vocals, impressive...violin? Yup.
http://www.myspace.com/thelifeline
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10:02 pm
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company halloween party costume!
You may call me OOOOOOOOOOLD man!
http://neshorsemen.myrmid.com/review/zelda/zeldaa.gif
http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b105/kireblade/oldman1.jpg
http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b105/kireblade/oldman2.jpg
http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b105/kireblade/oldman3.jpg
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02:08 am
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The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus
I must see this movie...not because of Heath...or Depp...or Colin...or Jude...or Gilliam...this movie looks ****ing beautiful...and the MUSIC!!! I must have it. This trailer made me feel like a koala crapped a rainbow in my brain.
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10:19 am
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10 examples of Fox News baffoonery
Ever wanted examples of how Fox News distorts and misrepresents the news? Well, here's 10!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/20/the-ten-most-egregious-fo_n_327140.html
I think my favorite is when they attacked one guy, who worked for a school, for not doing more when an underage 15 year old gay kid said he did stuff w/ an older man, and he didn't find out more to prosecute the one he did it with...except that he was 16, which is the age of consent in Mass., and didn't do any of this on school property, which is clearly out of his juristiction and technically none of his business. Despite all this, people are still calling for Ken Jennings' head. Stay classy, Fox News.
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12:19 am
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R.I.P. Captain Lou Albano
I'll always remember him for wrasslin' and Mario. Let's do the Mario one more time!
Btw, the show was terrible, but this part is legendary.
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10:29 pm
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furries are...
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08:38 pm
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Mario's Worst Nightmares
I gotta share this.
http://imgur.com/TeGxe.jpg
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12:45 am
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We're bombing the moon for water in about 6 hours
...seriously.
http://www.abcnews.go.com/Technology/nasa-moon-bombing-lcross-probe-lunar-ice/story?id=8775640
I can't help but think of this.
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02:44 am
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Annual Review
Had my annual review. Mostly positive, happy times...especially after a negative one from last year.
Communication Needs Improvement
Team Player Meets Requirements
Creativity Meets Requirements
Quality of Work Meets Requirements
Personal Pride Meets Requirements
Time Management Meets Requirements
Adaptability Exceptional
Problem Solving Meets Requirements
Attitude Meets Requirements
Ability to Learn Exceptional
Games Knowledge Exceptional
Timeliness Needs Improvement
Work Ethic Meets Requirements
Basic Animation Principles Meets Requirements
3D Character Animation Meets Requirements
Strength of Poses Exceptional
Real Time Cinema Implementation Exceptional
3D Studio Max Knowledge Exceptional
Game Engine Understanding Meets Requirements
Brand/Style Emulation Exceptional
Follows Through Implementation Meets Requirements
Train/Mentor Meets Requirements
Seeking/Accepting of Critique Exceptional
8 positives, 2 negatives, I'll take that...but the biggest point of the review is that they're really happy w/ what I do, but I just have to stop keeping to myself, ask more questions, try not to keep all my problems to myself. One of the criticisms is that I am visibly very uncomfortable talking to my coworkers.
I think I can muscle through and force myself to become more of a leader, but to seem natural in doing so? FUCK. It even got to the point where my director asked me during the review not to be afraid to be more open and not be afraid. I've read that social anxiety is classified of being afraid that you'll fuck up when talking to your peers, letting something slip, emberrassing yourself, etc. No, I don't want to go on meds.
I shit you not, I almost came out to my art director then and there. He said it might not be so hard and might not be so uncomfortable if I didn't keep my personal life to myself and tried being more open. I almost said, "I'm gay, I don't want to ruin the work environment, I don't want to change the way my coworkers interact with me and ruin the attitude and flow of the company. Did I mention my parents are scared shitless of me being openly gay and my grandmother finding out? Would you suggest I just get it out there so I don't have to worry about it or would it just make things worse?" Something along those lines.
I post this work review because it's a fair critique not only on my performance at work, but also of my life. Could I be better? Hell yes. One of my biggest negatives is that people don't know if I'm doing well or badly because I internalize like a motherfucker, just like I haven't been personal on this here blog in quite a long time for various reasons. Asking more questions and being more open about my progress are easy steps, but being comfortable w/ it and sharing work concerns w/ other people? Fuck. You might as well ask me to grow fucking wings.
...and the REAL bitch of it is that I know this is all pushing me towards being a leader. Here's a little secret: I am NOT a natural leader, but will do so if I deem it necessary. Do I actually want to be an art lead? The idea kind of terrifies me...I'm just barely able to give critiques to my fellow workers...I'm much more comfortable nodding in the background, knowing that I'm a better animator and can fix it myself in the polishing phase down the line. Is that the right path? No, and I know it. I just need to grow a pair and criticize when necessary.
The other glaring factor in all of this is that I don't know if I'm happy where I currently am. There are no short term solutions, just a question to keep in the back of my noggin when it comes to realistic options. Part of the problem with my work ethic is I want to both make something I feel is worthy of my output and also something that is greatly influenced by my hand, that my influence is distinguishable and isn't easily replaced. I've worked for a company that made great things, yet my input felt easily replaceable, something most other animators could do (going through the motions, wrangling mocap for instance). On the other hand, I currently work for a company that I definitely have influence in, yet I have a sinking feeling that the final product will not be well recieved...and I've been in this biz long enough and played enough games to have a general idea when I should and shouldn't be wary. I've yet to be in a situation (workwise) that I feel will be great when finished and has been influenced by my creativity.
I seriously hope I can accomplish both of these w/out moving to a new company, and I have a job to do, so that's what keeps me going...not to mention obligations to fulfill (condo, debt, etc.). My father said to me that it took him 30 years in the work force to find that kind of job...which he found since he was being let go by his old company. Hopefully it doesn't come to that, but who's to say?
Anyway, this has gone on way, WAY longer than I ever intended. It exists just as much for me to sort out my own thoughts and feelings as it does for me to move forward in my development as a worker and a person. The only thing you can do is try your best, and really, that's all that can be asked of you. If you didn't make it this far, I understand, and if you did, well, I appreciate the time and effort you spent to do so. Good luck in your own endeavors, and never give up or forget the passions that drive your purpose.
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09:29 pm
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Obama punching a zombie
you're welcome.
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11:32 am
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the highs and lows
Been working re-dick-a-lus hours lately, ended work at midnight last night. On the other hand, I got a bunch of nominations for Employee of the Month, but didn't quite get it. Woot, I guess.
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04:14 am
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New Dethklok album is out
Just a reminder.
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11:41 pm
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Words of Wisdom
When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.
Let it be, let it be, .....
And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, .....
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01:20 am
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WTF
This has to be one of the most retarded dance songs (and videos) I've witnessed in many years. Yet it's catchy.
"I am Jane and I love to ride an elephant."
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01:34 pm
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Sister Mary Elephant
Made this today. If you ever heard the source material, you get a banana sticker. It's from one of Cheech & Chong's old audio tapes.
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09:30 am
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YARRR! Free Game & Legend of Neil
first off, in honor of "talk like a pirate" day, Telltale Games is giving away ep. 1 of Tales of Monkey Island. Y'can't beat free!
http://www.telltalegames.com/
Also, The Legend of Neil is fantasticly hilarious. watch it.
http://www.legendofneil.com
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11:52 pm
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POGO POGO POGO
This is what I always pictured when I heard this song, so I finally drew it.
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09:00 pm
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The Cycle
made this today.
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